Hurtfulness Hurts

We all know that feeling.

That feeling of being hurt.

A stabbing feeling in the pit of our stomach, a heart achingly emotional reaction. 

Our heart feels like it is going to burst out of our chest wall.

The tears pour out and we feel like we are going to drown in the pain of it all.

Someone, who's opinion we care about, has said something to us: either they insulted us, or rejected us, or judged us, or ignored us, or differed with us in some way. 

Why do we value the opinions of others?

Why are we so dependent by the reaction of how they view us?

Most of us grow up with little attention paid to our own inner relationship.

While we are taught to place value on the opinion of others, we are taught to ignore the power of self-appraisal, self-authority and self-awareness. 

The reality is this:

Ffew of us were raised to respect our 'self' for who we  are.

Most of us were brought up to depend on what others thought of us over our own opinion of ourselves.

We were simply conditioned to fall into line.

It seems to me that our sense of 'self' depends largely on the image others have of us.

So, when someone we hold in esteem judges or rejects us, it hurts us so.

We automatically enter into a pattern of reacting with equal hurt and pain.

Hitting back - or not -perhaps curling up into a ball of self pity.

The good news we can change this thought pattern, because no one can ever know us for who we truly are, they can only judge us by what they believe be.

I'm right here aren't I?
And who is to say they are the ultimate voice of reason anyway ?  
NOBOBY that's who.

Biased opinions can never be true.
The reason we automatically feel hurt is this:

We believe the other’s voice to be the truth about who we are.

Their idea of us and way of treating us supersedes our own beliefs about ourself. 

This is not good.
When this happens, our hearts lay wide open to receive the berating of others because we believe in what they are saying, as if it were the truth and because of this we feel the pain.

What say you took a different light and understood that your deepest 'self' is essentially always pure and worthy – no matter what other’s say about you.

Let’s say you decided that it's no one’s job to understand or know or approve of you but yourself?
And how about you simply accept that while everyone has their right to their opinion about you, that their opinion has nothing to do with you, that its only to do with them, their history, their feelings, their heart and their level of conscious thoughts?

When you are able to build a foundation in yourself, in your own self-belief, your authority, choosing consciously to not holding anyone accountable or responsible for your inner state, you will not only relinquish the other from the impossible task of understanding you but also free yourself in the process.

No one can ever fully feel your feelings for you.
The complete act of self-knowledge can only be addressed, understood and accepted by yourself.

And when you hold yourself in this truth, you are able to become a by-stander to other people's opinions or judgments of you without ALLOWING then to throw you off balance.

You learn to separate their opinion from your deep and wise understanding  of 'self'. Simply meaning you have held yourself accountable to your own standards and have measured yourself according to what you know about yourself to be true.
Your heart and soul does not lie. 
There is always something to learn from when you are in the right or in the wrong.
When you understand this, then the dependency on the others to make you happy fades.

You will no longer rely on the notions of  others, and you will feel solidly centered in your own inner being, fully self-aware and resilient. 
When you can enter this place of self-insight, you will no longer seek approval or understanding from others.
The best bit is you will stop and think before you decide to hurt someone with your ' opinion of words'  and you will be able to give out unconditionally and fully as a loving human being.

Love Elizabeth xx

No matter who we are - hurt, hurts… be kind to yourself and to others.

Elizabeth WeyComment